I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
