I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
