Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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