The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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