Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
