Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize