arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
