Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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