we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize