Tell her she can't have a vagina
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
