You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
