She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
