My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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