I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Even my vagina gasped.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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