Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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