I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
