I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
