just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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