What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
