Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
