Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
