plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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