went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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