i think i have two assholes
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
