dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
