In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
