so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
