Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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