piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
