I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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