he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize