I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
