i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You made out with two different species that night
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
