yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
