I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
