if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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