I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
