I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
