so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
