i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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