that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
