so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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