Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
