Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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