the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
