i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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