Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
