Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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