I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
