last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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