yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
