is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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