Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
