then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
