Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
