Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
