But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
