you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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