And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
