im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
