dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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