how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
