We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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