return my video game
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
