I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
