I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
