Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
