You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
