I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize