doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
