What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
