I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
