oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
