what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
