Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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