So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
