Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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