how hairy? two words: wookie tits
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
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