I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Text me some of your sweat
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