Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
