the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
