You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
In America we eat man semen.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize