I accidentally had phone sex last night
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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