I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
