he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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