I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
