I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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