i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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