Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
