he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize