Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
