they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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