OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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