I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
