the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
