Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
