Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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