She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
