I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
