all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
