Can Purell be used as lube?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
