I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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