god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize