to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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