I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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